#CoffeeGate: The Wild (Other) New Saylor Conspiracy Explained
“How do I keep my coffee warm? I put it in a thermos! I need to insulate my energy so that no one steals it! If I take your Starbucks coffee and I put it in a cooler of ice and I drop it in the ice your coffee’s getting cold! And so the wall of encrypted energy is the insulator." That quote from Microstrategy CEO and founder Michael Saylor is an excerpt from The Saylor Series from Robert Breedlove's, What Is Money Podcast. The Saylor Series is considered by most Bitcoin experts and cultural observers to be the 'Abbey Road' of podcasts, referring the Beatles last album released in 1969. But the Saylor Series is important for another reason, its the first time Michael Saylor mentions coffee in the context of Bitcoin.
Okay Michael Saylor uses the concept of keeping coffee warm in an analogy to illustrate a point about Bitcoin's use of energy, so what? In isolation, that analogy wouldn't be particularly interesting or notable (although it did seem to impress interviewer Robert Breedlove). In the context of the latest Stacker.News conspiracy, along with more "evidence" shared by its users, that analogy could be the first of many planned drops meant for a very specific audience. While the "S Drops" conspiracy causing buzz on SN involves Saylor leaving memes and messages on social media using the letter "S" to let his followers know he is making progress in the war to reform the U.S. financial system from within, this latest theory suggests he's part of a much deeper, darker conspiracy than most initially believed.
According to an anonymous SN poster, the CIA also uses coded language to communicate with each other, as well as their collaborators, when speaking in public, during television interviews, podcast interviews, and when communicating digitally using mediums which could be monitored. According to the poster, the CIA uses the term "coffee" to refer to money laundering operations. Not only that, "coffee" and Bitcoin goes much deeper, in terms of its relationship the CIA, than anyone realizes, according to this theory. Documents acquired by sleuths using the Freedom of Information Act (FOIA) show that the oft used analogy, "You don't want to use Bitcoin's base layer to buy a cup of coffee" is code used by the CIA to warn their fellow agents involved in money laundering operations that the chain is under increased scrutiny and it is not safe to launder money."
Documents reveal that the CIA uses other familiar coffee related terms to communicate more precise information in public or on unsecure media channels. The terms The Bugle was able to confirm are allegedly used by the CIA are:
- Decaf - Means "Friendly counter party" (fellow CIA or federal agents)
- Barista - Mixing pool coordinator
- Espresso - A coinjoin involving a Monero swap
- Cold Brew - Non-custodial mixing servers
- Keurig - PayNym
- French Press - Money laundering operation overseen by European intelligence agencies
Speculation regarding the Samourai Wallet bust involving CIA money laundering activities, including the possibility that Samourai was a CIA front from the beginning, began after several independent sources noted Samourai developers engineered their mixing stack using an old, outdated programming language called Java. If you're not familiar with American office culture, "java" is slang for, you guessed it: Coffee.
So what does all of this mean? Is Saylor working from the inside to reform the U.S. financial system, reform the government, save the U.S. banking system, and save the dollar or is he helping the CIA launder money? The answer, at least according to Stacker.News sleuths, is both! The idea that Saylor is secretly working to reform the system from the inside seems a little unrealistic. However, if he is actually a double agent that is pretending to help the government, CIA, and law enforcement but he is actually working to facilitate NGU usher in Hyperbitcoinization, that makes way more sense.
While the coffee talk is certainly interesting, there is evidence that it may already be outdated. This makes the fact that it has leaked to the public seem more plausible. Saylor may have leaked this to Stacker.News users himself. According to another document dump acquired by a notorious meme gang on X (Formerly Twitter), the CIA invented Ordinals to seamlessly coordinate flooding Bitcoin's mempool with expensive transactions to alert all other CIA agents immediately that its not safe to launder money on-chain. One email allegedly sent by an active CIA agent noted, "If BlackRock or Fidelity need to make large Bitcoin purchases, we need to stop laundering money so they can do it at a low cost without any risk of their block including non-OFAC compliant transactions lest they need to re-organize the chain to exclude that transaction." According to some believers of this theory, it makes sense because the CIA would naturally use Udi Wertheimer to promote Ordinals on account that he's in Mossad.
The Bugle is following this development very closely and will be providing in-depth coverage as the investigation unfolds.
